Being a bride is the most memorable occasion in a woman's life. On the special day, every bride wants to look her best and takes care that everything about her is perfect. The glow on the bride's face is natural and comes from the happiness within. It all starts with those nice smelling bathing salts, the herbal treatments, the beautifully created wedding dress, the coiffured tresses, the enhancement of the facial features with the required make up, and finally the perfect jewelry to adorn the feminity of the bride, completes the bridal
look.
The perfection of her look depends on finding the bridal set perfect bridal jewelry. The bride may find a perfect necklace to wear but may not find the matching earrings or the right bangles or bracelet or even ring to go with it. A bridal set resolves this problem and saves a lot of time. Bridal sets are jewelry made with the intention of putting together everything for that special occasion. A bridal set comprises of a necklace, earrings, bangles/bracelets, and a ring that match and go well together. All a bride needs to do is select the bridal set that goes with her look on the wedding day.
These bridal sets come in a variety of metals, like gold, silver, white gold, and platinum. There are plain precious metal bridal sets and there are bridal sets set with precious stones, like diamonds, rubies, emeralds, sapphires etc. The choice of the type of bridal set depends on the expense and the affordability of the bride.
If you are the bride, you will have to take utmost care in selecting the bridal set. First thing is the set of course, but don't buy it just because you love the jewelry set. The bridal set by itself may be beautiful, but you must see if it matches your dress. Even a most expensive and beautiful wedding gown can look bad if worn with the wrong bridal set. You don't want any such thing to mar the occasion. Look into all factors when selecting the bridal set, like the style, quality and affordability.
Bridal sets look good because they were meant to be used together. All major jewelers stock several styles of bridal sets to suit all budgets. You can even use your bridal set after the wedding day. When going out on those romantic dinners, you can wear just your earrings or you can choose to wear just the bracelet at times, or even the necklace. Just because it is a bridal set, you don't have to keep it aside like you do the wedding dress. How would it feel wearing that jewelry on your first anniversary and reliving the special moments.
Make sure the bridal set does not completely overshadow the wedding gown. The bridal set should fit in the theme of the wedding. If the wedding dress is made up of a certain type of crystals, then your bridal set cannot be of pearls. Keep in mind the overall look when buying jewelry for the big day. Once that is taken care of, all you need to do is experience the feeling of satisfaction and thrill with the numerous compliments coming your way.
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Never Ask God For Something That You Are Not Ready To Receive
This is a true story the events that took place that day are real and in no way fabricated nor exaggerated.
Waking up the morning of June first 1999 seven days before my wife Tonya's 27th birthday was pretty much like any other morning. I was still a little bit tired because I had stayed up late the night before. But all in all it started out ok. Little did I know the events that were to occur later that day would affect my life forever?
Now before I go any farther let me explain a little bit about my wife. Tonya was a young woman of 26 years old. She had Struggled for quite some time with Alcoholism, Drug addiction, depression, and a mental disorder known as schizoaffective disorder that was well on its way to becoming full blown Schizophrenia.
In case you are unfamiliar with schizoaffective disorder. The most prevalent features are depression, delusions and hallucinations.
Tonya was doing wonderful though, she was taking her medication and was episode free for quite some time. She had even managed to stay drink and drug free for eight months. But that morning shortly after breakfast all that changed.
I had just cleared the table and went in to the bedroom to fine Tonya sitting on the bed shaking and crying, in a panic.
I asked her what was wrong. Her reply made my heart sink and just plane freaked me out.
She replied, "I am Dead." Rather shocked from her answer I asked, what are you talking about. She didn't seem to understand my question and continued. "I'm dead and so is my father and they put my back together using his body parts."
I realized then what was happening. She was having a hallucination. She had become delusional.
I sat down on the bed next to her and took her hand and assured her that she was very much alive and so was her father.
"Oh can we go see him?" She asked wanting proof that in fact her father was not dead.
Wanting desperately to bring some reality back to her I agreed and off to her parents house we went.
Well Tonya's parents are big racing fans and as it turned out, her Mother and Father had left for the weekend to go to an automobile race. So when we arrived at their home they were not there. This just confirmed in Tonya's mind that what her delusions were telling her were true. She was more frantic then ever.
I had been through this before with Tonya but never this bad. But I knew that in time it would subside… I hope anyway.
With nothing to do but wait it out and see what was coming next I decided to return to our apartment.
As we were driving towards home Tonya started to come back to reality and gain a bit of composure. This was great for the brief moment it lasted.
No sooner had she started to come back to reality when she blurted out, "I need a drink!"
"Please get me some wine coolers?"
"O.M.G!" What now? Tonya had not had a drop of alcohol for 8 months and now she was demanding a drink.
Knowing what I had already gone through with her past drinking and with the events of that morning. I was quite up set with the thought of her starting to drink again.
"NO!" I will not buy you any wine coolers. You haven't had a drink in 8 months I'm not going to be the one to help you get started again now. I told her.
Of course this just started a big argument. She wanted wine coolers and she was not going to take no for an answer. One thing about Tonya is that if she wanted something she would be relentless and hound you until she got her way. So we argued the rest of the way home.
It was getting close to the time I had to leave to go to a doctor appointment I had scheduled at noon and Tonya was still hounding me.
"Enough!" I broke and went to the store and bought her the damned wine coolers.
Tonya must have chugged the whole 4 pack because within 15 minuets she was back in my face demanding that I go back to the store and get her more wine coolers.
I all but lost it. I don't know when I had felt that mad in quite some time. Having to go to my appointment anyway I stomped out in anger. As I slammed the door behind me I raised my hands up to the sky and shouted. "God Take This Woman Away From Me!" And went on to my doctor appointment.
I was at the doctor's office for the rest of the afternoon. I got home around 5:00 that evening to find the apartment empty. Tonya Was gone and she didn't leave a note as to where she had gone.
Time went by and Tonya had not come home. So I began to worry a bit. I called around to hospitals and the police. No one had seen nor heard about her. It began to get really late and Still Tonya was not home. By this time worry swelled to panic, I jumped into the car and drove all over town looking for her but she was no ware to be found.
The rest of that night was spent driving and looking or on the phone to hospitals or the police still no sign of Tonya.
The thing is, I knew something had to be wrong. Because despite her obvious faults Tonya loved me and would have never stayed away from home all night with out at least calling. Many times in the past it had gotten late and she would call and say "Honey can you come get me." And I would.
"But not this time."
It was about 7:30 Am the morning of the first. I must have dozed off for a few moments. Waking up I searched the room for any sign that Tonya had come home. Nope she was still M.I.A. I had to get up and get on the road. I promised my oldest son that I would teach him how to spray paint the door to my car. I was restoring a Chevy Beretta GTZ and I told him he could help me with it.
Still worried about Tonya I went to pick him up.
We got back to my apartment around 8:30am. As I pulled up in to the parking lot were I was going to perform my auto body masterpiece. One of the men that worked down stares from my apartment came rushing up to tell me. "There is a detective from the police department in my shop looking for you."
At that moment my heart sank and began to race all at the same time. Half of me hoped that they had found Tonya safe and sound. While the other half just knew that something terrible had happened.
Hesitantly I hurried to the shop down stares from my apartment to meet the detective. At the door a man in a blue suit, black shoes and a two-dollar haircut asked, "Are you Michael Walrath?" "Yes." I answered. Before I could add anything else he responded. "This is about Tonya." Then ask me if I would join him in his car.
Once in the car the detective told me the bad news… "Tonya is dead!" It rang out like a gun shot that hat hit me right between the eyes… "Tonya Is Dead!" Some ware deep in side of me I already knew it but that was no consolation. My wife was gone. The woman that I love was gone. The woman that I had been so angry with the day before was gone.
If you could only realize the hurt, panic, sorrow, and guilt I felt at that moment. After all I did leave in a state of rage. I did raise my hands to the air and shout to God. "Please Take This Woman Away From Me!" I did leave not even saying goodbye or telling her that I love her. She Was Gone!
I won't go into detail of what happened to her here. I will just say that it was not from natural causes nor by her own hand, and it was very brutal.
No I don't blame God. I also don't blame myself. And Of course I certainly don't blame Tonya.
It was not Tonya's fault that she had a disease. And God has no fault. God searches our harts and he will give us what truly resides with in. As far as my self though even though I know I am not to blame. A part of me knows that if I had been able to pray to God with an understanding of prayer and how to communicate what was in my heart long before this tragedy had ever happen it might not have went down like it did.
This sad but true story has many morals. One could be never leave a loved one in anger with out telling them you love them. There are many more you could derive from this tale. But the one that I am here to stress is, learn to speak to God. Talk to him every day. Tell him what is in your heart and on you mind. Ask him to help and guide you, to give you strength and wisdom. But the most important thing is Never Ask God For Something That You Are Not Ready To Receive.
Waking up the morning of June first 1999 seven days before my wife Tonya's 27th birthday was pretty much like any other morning. I was still a little bit tired because I had stayed up late the night before. But all in all it started out ok. Little did I know the events that were to occur later that day would affect my life forever?
Now before I go any farther let me explain a little bit about my wife. Tonya was a young woman of 26 years old. She had Struggled for quite some time with Alcoholism, Drug addiction, depression, and a mental disorder known as schizoaffective disorder that was well on its way to becoming full blown Schizophrenia.
In case you are unfamiliar with schizoaffective disorder. The most prevalent features are depression, delusions and hallucinations.
Tonya was doing wonderful though, she was taking her medication and was episode free for quite some time. She had even managed to stay drink and drug free for eight months. But that morning shortly after breakfast all that changed.
I had just cleared the table and went in to the bedroom to fine Tonya sitting on the bed shaking and crying, in a panic.
I asked her what was wrong. Her reply made my heart sink and just plane freaked me out.
She replied, "I am Dead." Rather shocked from her answer I asked, what are you talking about. She didn't seem to understand my question and continued. "I'm dead and so is my father and they put my back together using his body parts."
I realized then what was happening. She was having a hallucination. She had become delusional.
I sat down on the bed next to her and took her hand and assured her that she was very much alive and so was her father.
"Oh can we go see him?" She asked wanting proof that in fact her father was not dead.
Wanting desperately to bring some reality back to her I agreed and off to her parents house we went.
Well Tonya's parents are big racing fans and as it turned out, her Mother and Father had left for the weekend to go to an automobile race. So when we arrived at their home they were not there. This just confirmed in Tonya's mind that what her delusions were telling her were true. She was more frantic then ever.
I had been through this before with Tonya but never this bad. But I knew that in time it would subside… I hope anyway.
With nothing to do but wait it out and see what was coming next I decided to return to our apartment.
As we were driving towards home Tonya started to come back to reality and gain a bit of composure. This was great for the brief moment it lasted.
No sooner had she started to come back to reality when she blurted out, "I need a drink!"
"Please get me some wine coolers?"
"O.M.G!" What now? Tonya had not had a drop of alcohol for 8 months and now she was demanding a drink.
Knowing what I had already gone through with her past drinking and with the events of that morning. I was quite up set with the thought of her starting to drink again.
"NO!" I will not buy you any wine coolers. You haven't had a drink in 8 months I'm not going to be the one to help you get started again now. I told her.
Of course this just started a big argument. She wanted wine coolers and she was not going to take no for an answer. One thing about Tonya is that if she wanted something she would be relentless and hound you until she got her way. So we argued the rest of the way home.
It was getting close to the time I had to leave to go to a doctor appointment I had scheduled at noon and Tonya was still hounding me.
"Enough!" I broke and went to the store and bought her the damned wine coolers.
Tonya must have chugged the whole 4 pack because within 15 minuets she was back in my face demanding that I go back to the store and get her more wine coolers.
I all but lost it. I don't know when I had felt that mad in quite some time. Having to go to my appointment anyway I stomped out in anger. As I slammed the door behind me I raised my hands up to the sky and shouted. "God Take This Woman Away From Me!" And went on to my doctor appointment.
I was at the doctor's office for the rest of the afternoon. I got home around 5:00 that evening to find the apartment empty. Tonya Was gone and she didn't leave a note as to where she had gone.
Time went by and Tonya had not come home. So I began to worry a bit. I called around to hospitals and the police. No one had seen nor heard about her. It began to get really late and Still Tonya was not home. By this time worry swelled to panic, I jumped into the car and drove all over town looking for her but she was no ware to be found.
The rest of that night was spent driving and looking or on the phone to hospitals or the police still no sign of Tonya.
The thing is, I knew something had to be wrong. Because despite her obvious faults Tonya loved me and would have never stayed away from home all night with out at least calling. Many times in the past it had gotten late and she would call and say "Honey can you come get me." And I would.
"But not this time."
It was about 7:30 Am the morning of the first. I must have dozed off for a few moments. Waking up I searched the room for any sign that Tonya had come home. Nope she was still M.I.A. I had to get up and get on the road. I promised my oldest son that I would teach him how to spray paint the door to my car. I was restoring a Chevy Beretta GTZ and I told him he could help me with it.
Still worried about Tonya I went to pick him up.
We got back to my apartment around 8:30am. As I pulled up in to the parking lot were I was going to perform my auto body masterpiece. One of the men that worked down stares from my apartment came rushing up to tell me. "There is a detective from the police department in my shop looking for you."
At that moment my heart sank and began to race all at the same time. Half of me hoped that they had found Tonya safe and sound. While the other half just knew that something terrible had happened.
Hesitantly I hurried to the shop down stares from my apartment to meet the detective. At the door a man in a blue suit, black shoes and a two-dollar haircut asked, "Are you Michael Walrath?" "Yes." I answered. Before I could add anything else he responded. "This is about Tonya." Then ask me if I would join him in his car.
Once in the car the detective told me the bad news… "Tonya is dead!" It rang out like a gun shot that hat hit me right between the eyes… "Tonya Is Dead!" Some ware deep in side of me I already knew it but that was no consolation. My wife was gone. The woman that I love was gone. The woman that I had been so angry with the day before was gone.
If you could only realize the hurt, panic, sorrow, and guilt I felt at that moment. After all I did leave in a state of rage. I did raise my hands to the air and shout to God. "Please Take This Woman Away From Me!" I did leave not even saying goodbye or telling her that I love her. She Was Gone!
I won't go into detail of what happened to her here. I will just say that it was not from natural causes nor by her own hand, and it was very brutal.
No I don't blame God. I also don't blame myself. And Of course I certainly don't blame Tonya.
It was not Tonya's fault that she had a disease. And God has no fault. God searches our harts and he will give us what truly resides with in. As far as my self though even though I know I am not to blame. A part of me knows that if I had been able to pray to God with an understanding of prayer and how to communicate what was in my heart long before this tragedy had ever happen it might not have went down like it did.
This sad but true story has many morals. One could be never leave a loved one in anger with out telling them you love them. There are many more you could derive from this tale. But the one that I am here to stress is, learn to speak to God. Talk to him every day. Tell him what is in your heart and on you mind. Ask him to help and guide you, to give you strength and wisdom. But the most important thing is Never Ask God For Something That You Are Not Ready To Receive.
Wedding Party Favors - Expressing Your Love With a Gift
Wedding party favors can include any number of items. Traditionally used as a token of thanks given to the entire retinue of guests at your nuptials, wedding party favors are usually small items given universally to all your guests. But some couples like to give special wedding party favors to those family members and friends specifically in the wedding party. So how do you choose wedding party favors for your more intimate allies?
At a time when your brain is being used to capacity in planning the most important day of your life, wedding party favor ideas can be somewhat thin on the ground. Wedding party favors can be difficult enough to come up with, but what if you would like to thank your special friends and supporters with a more intimate and personal wedding party favor?
The key to remember when choosing wedding party favors is the special bond you share with each individual member of your retinue. Unlike the wedding party favors you will bestow upon your guests in general, the wedding party favor ideas you use to thank your special friends need to be as unique as each one of them.
Any wedding party favor given to a special associate should reflect both the personality of the friend involved, and the nature of the special relationship you share with them. You want them to look upon your wedding party favor in years to come, and have them instantly reminded of your special day, and the bond you share that made them such an important part of your celebrations.
When choosing your wedding party favors for your special circle, you might think, for example, of how you met them. Was there a unique story there that might be represented in a special wedding party favor? Perhaps there is something this friend does for you that no one else can do – ponder the nature of your relationship with this person, and attempt to capture the essence of that relationship in the wedding party favor you choose for them.
In compiling your wedding party favor ideas, the trick is to think of the love you feel for the friend you are selecting a wedding party favor for. Translate this feeling into a physical form, and you will have found the perfect wedding party favor for your loved one.
At a time when your brain is being used to capacity in planning the most important day of your life, wedding party favor ideas can be somewhat thin on the ground. Wedding party favors can be difficult enough to come up with, but what if you would like to thank your special friends and supporters with a more intimate and personal wedding party favor?
The key to remember when choosing wedding party favors is the special bond you share with each individual member of your retinue. Unlike the wedding party favors you will bestow upon your guests in general, the wedding party favor ideas you use to thank your special friends need to be as unique as each one of them.
Any wedding party favor given to a special associate should reflect both the personality of the friend involved, and the nature of the special relationship you share with them. You want them to look upon your wedding party favor in years to come, and have them instantly reminded of your special day, and the bond you share that made them such an important part of your celebrations.
When choosing your wedding party favors for your special circle, you might think, for example, of how you met them. Was there a unique story there that might be represented in a special wedding party favor? Perhaps there is something this friend does for you that no one else can do – ponder the nature of your relationship with this person, and attempt to capture the essence of that relationship in the wedding party favor you choose for them.
In compiling your wedding party favor ideas, the trick is to think of the love you feel for the friend you are selecting a wedding party favor for. Translate this feeling into a physical form, and you will have found the perfect wedding party favor for your loved one.
11 Tips For The Matrimonially-Challenged
Ahhh, jumping the broom. It's not for everyone, but it's manageable if you have the right information. I was completely caught off guard by some of the situations I've encountered in nearly eleven years of holy matrimony and if you're not prepared, you'll be running full speed ahead back to the single life. Fortunately, my husband and I loved each other enough to pull our family together and live happily ever after.
You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I've learned throughout the years. Of course, I can't really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.
*Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit
In other words, it's so much easier to play the field while you're single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently it's not. Some people don't realize the big mess they've created until it's way too late and they're unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.
*Marry someone you are also friends with.
Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!
*Don't put your spouse on a pedestal
Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you're looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you're probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.
*Leave the past in the past
Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can't stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe it's time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.
*Put your spouse and children first
Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can't get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.
*Never disrespect your home
You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you're pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they're only looking to start trouble.
*Keep marital advice from someone who isn't married to a minimum
Realistically, you probably shouldn't take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn't take childrearing advice from someone who doesn't have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldn't. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but...) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.
*Support your husband or wife's endeavors
Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It's understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companion's dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.
*Keep passion alive!
She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you've been married and had two children all she's worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven't forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.
*Communicate often
Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don't spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won't even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I'm a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we're communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let's hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn't like making up? Wink.
Don't forget to:
*Pray!
Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, "the family that prays together, stays together!"
You say you want happily ever after also? Well, I submit to you a list of valuable lessons I've learned throughout the years. Of course, I can't really promise you eternal love, but a few of these tips will save you from unnecessary suffering, guaranteed.
*Be crowned the king/queen of two-timing BEFORE you commit
In other words, it's so much easier to play the field while you're single, instead of getting married and deciding you want to see a whole lot of other people. Seems like this would be easy to figure out, right? Well, apparently it's not. Some people don't realize the big mess they've created until it's way too late and they're unable to come back from it. Can you say: Alimony, monthly child-support payments and a second job to support yourself? Not to mention various sexually transmitted diseases, some fatal.
*Marry someone you are also friends with.
Declare to spend the rest of your life with someone who really likes you as a person, not just as a sexual partner. Sometimes, sex will be nonexistent for short periods of time (pregnancy, illness). If you and your better half like each other, as well as love each other, the foundation that was built on friendship will be more than enough to get you through those rough patches. Besides, being best friends with your spouse makes marriage so much more fun!
*Don't put your spouse on a pedestal
Everyone makes mistakes, so leave room for plenty of them. If you're looking for the perfect spouse and marriage you're probably living in a fantasy world. Simple rules apply in our vows, but we all act a little human sometimes and vows become the hardest thing in the world to stick to. This is to be expected, so try not to come down too hard on your other half for not being a saint at all times and the two of you will be just fine.
*Leave the past in the past
Geez, are you still nagging about all those awful things that happened three years ago. Get over it. No one wants to hear the remix of how much of a jackass they used to be, especially when you all agreed to work it out and things are going great. If you just can't stop bringing it up every five minutes, maybe it's time to seek counseling. Otherwise, concentrate on the good things and push forward.
*Put your spouse and children first
Nothing is going to send you to divorce court faster than in-law drama. I know you want everyone to get along, but understand that you are not responsible for your mother, father or siblings happiness. Your main responsibility is to keep your house in order. If your parents and siblings can't get with the program, be prepared to take a hiatus from them until they have learned to respect you and your mate. If something in them forbids them to do so, stay true to the one who really matters and that should be you. If you truly want a successful marriage, sometimes you have to learn to love from a distance.
*Never disrespect your home
You already know your family hates your husband/wife, so stop going to them and talking behind his or her back whenever you two have an argument. One, it just makes your family loathe your spouse even more and two, your marriage is on the wrong track if you're pouring salt on your significant other. Also, keep your house a home by not having the wrong people coming and going. This is bad for any relationship, married or not. Keep the drama queen/king out of your house, they're only looking to start trouble.
*Keep marital advice from someone who isn't married to a minimum
Realistically, you probably shouldn't take marital advice from someone who has never been married, just like you probably shouldn't take childrearing advice from someone who doesn't have kids. I know it sounds a little harsh, but it makes sense. Would you take flight instruction from someone who has never even had flight training? I wouldn't. In my experience, my unmarried friends have never said anything that could help my marriage. (Sorry guys, I know you tried, but...) Personally, I like to seek advice from older, experienced couples. There is no better way to prepare for marital warfare, than to get guidance from someone who has already been in combat and survived.
*Support your husband or wife's endeavors
Why do you shoot down every idea your sweetie comes up with? Will it really kill you to be supportive for once? No one will exist on a single thought for the rest of their lives. Realize that people grow and with growth comes change. It's understandable your spouse has aspirations outside of going to work and paying bills. Is your opposing attitude holding him back from starting that small business? Are you laughing her away from her dream of becoming an actress? Be supportive of your life companion's dreams because if it works out for them, it will really work out for you.
*Keep passion alive!
She used to wear sexy boy shorts while the two of you were dating, but since you've been married and had two children all she's worn to bed are her gigantic granny bloomers. He used to say something flattering to you everyday, but now he barely notices you. These are common complaints and it can wreak havoc in a marriage. Life is busy and we all get weary from our day-to-day affairs, but just remember to take a little time out to spoil your spouse every once in a while. Let them know that you haven't forgotten about them and you appreciate all of their efforts. Show them that you are still the person they fell in love with even though life can get in the way. Your partner will surely return the favor.
*Communicate often
Talk to your spouse everyday about something other than the kids, the house, and the bills. Even if you don't spend a lot of time in the house together, a cell phone will solve that problem. Be sure to get some time to yourselves; go out on a date every once in a while or just snuggle on the couch and talk about constructive things. In my opinion, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Who wants to spend the rest of their life with someone who won't even talk? Who wants to have a disagreement, but not be able to discuss it intelligently? I'm a huge fan of heated discussions. At least we're communicating; not going in a room, slamming the door and stewing for hours. Let's hash it out, get it over with and make up. And who doesn't like making up? Wink.
Don't forget to:
*Pray!
Pray everyday for your marriage, your home and children. Prayer can bring reassurance and ease your mind when things go haywire. Do you know what would be even better? Pray together. You already know the saying, "the family that prays together, stays together!"
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Infidelity: How "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is a Cop-out
These statements are rationalizations and fail to "get at" the underlying issues.
Key points:
1. It's as if a marriage is an animal gone bad. A marriage does not have a life of it's own. In reality, there is no such thing as a "marriage." One is "married" as a result of making some promises and signing a paper at one point. After the paper is signed, two people continue communicating and acting toward one another in particular ways that they hope will help them get what they individually want. Just as there is no "marriage," there is no such thing as a "relationship." There are, however, ways of relating for which each person is responsible. Remember the comedian Flip Wilson (that dates me) and his "The devil made me do it" skit?
2. We idealize "marriage" or "romantic relationships" with the expectation we will get what we want, without much effort to boot. The movies, popular public press and romance novels/stories don't help much here. A "marriage" is behind the eight ball from the word go. "IT" can't win.
3. From day one most of us don't have a clue about how to get, build, nurture and maintain healthy and intimate ways of relating. We need 'love 101' and it's not there. We rely upon experimentation or bad models.
4. If the "marriage" is dead, why in the world would one choose to have an affair? Talk about jumping from the frying pan into the fire. It really is stupid. You add a whole layer of deceit and shame that eventually will result in consequences more dire than approaching your spouse and saying, "I'm really unhappy. What I'm doing with you obviously is not working. I want out." Oh well, maybe some people need more problems and suffering.
5. If the "marriage" is bad, obviously, I don't have to look at me. I can blame "it" or the other. Some of us find it difficult to look at me. Some of us don't know how to look at me. Some of us never think of looking at me.
Tip: If your partner/spouse is having and affair and blames it on the "marriage," don't buy into it. The "marriage" is not the problem. You are not the problem. Your spouse/partner chose the affair out of ignorance, fear or inadequacy.
The "My Marriage Made Me Do It" is just one of 7 affairs outlined in my E-book, "Break Free From the Affair." For more information on the issues behind the other kinds of affairs and tips for dealing with them, visit my site.
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